On Burkinis, Meanies, and Mussolini

I haven’t written in a while.  Have you missed me?  Probably not, since you’ve been distracted by the frightening, insane things that are going on in the world today.  I don’t mean global warming or Donald / Hillary or the financial craziness that’s out there vexing William Devane, I’m referring to events that are rocking the European continent.

What events, you ask with fear and trepidation?  Hold onto your hats. 

Burkinis. A Clothes Encounter.

I’ve noticed a time or two that Europeans have a fondness for telling Americans how uptight we are.  To that I say: Zut alors! (I have no idea what that means.)  Now it seems that free-thinking, non-uptight French towns have outlawed the wearing of burkinis at the beach, because terrorism.  A burkini (that’s a burka bikini, sort of) looks like this:


Put another way, in France, it’s against the law for a woman to not be nearly naked at the beach.  A French high court recently struck down the law, but 20 mayors have declared that their laws will stand, in defiance of the court.

These French authorities apparently failed to take into account that ultra-strict terrorist types probably aren’t going to the beach in burkinis or anything else.  I mean, these French Muslim women treat the beach like it’s a place where you can wear clothing!  What’s the world coming to?  Well, that would be…

Meanies. Kindness ist Verboten! Schnell!  Schnell!

In the Rio Olympics, German twin sisters Anna and Lisa Hahner, who train together for the marathon, ran the last bit of the race hand in hand (they were far from medal contention).  German officials were aghast (though French officials were likely relieved that they were at least wearing bikinis).

It turns out that when they compete, Anna and Lisa have always finished their races far apart, but in the Olympics, the slower sister pushed herself hard to catch up to her sibling near the end of the race.

German track and field officials accused them of publicly treating the Olympic marathon “like a fun run.”  I have a note for German track and field officials: If an event involves both running and the term “26.2 miles,” no amount of hand holding can turn it into something fun.  I’m sure of this. I ran a mile once in high school.  Also, to round things out…

Then There’s Mussolini

Mussolini fit in the title of the post.  It just did. YOU come up with a better word that rhymes with Burkini and Meanie.